The Life That Could Be
by caitewarren
Summary: Set s1 while at Adam's house John thinks about the life his family deserves and the life they have and wakes up in a world he never thought existd.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Don't Own Anything.

John couldn't help but to compare Kate to Mary, they were physically alike their light blonde hair except Kate's was kept longer than Mary's had ever been, their light blue eyes and their laugh. John thought it was Kate's laugh that made him fall for her. Sometimes when she laughed he would close his eyes and it was just like having Mary back.

Maternally they were alike as well John couldn't help but wonder if all mothers were the same with their children. He was watching older videos of when Adam was young. He watched Kate cradle Adam in her arms quietly singing a song in French to him. John clutched the photograph of Mary holding Dean and sitting in the old rocker. He paused the video and placed the picture of Mary and Dean next to the T.V. and he couldn't stop the tears from coming.

Staying with Kate and Adam reminded him too much of what his life could have been….not what it was. He would be home in Lawrence Kansas right now, Dean maybe would have gone to college, maybe he and Mary would have gone on their second honeymoon hell maybe they would have more kids. Instead he was sitting in the home of the Milligans in Windom, Minnesota. Kate deserved better than this. Kate was a good person she deserved a loving husband who would work and take the load of taking care of her kid and paying bills. She didn't need some drunk guy who showed up once a year to take her son out for a day and crashed on her sofa for a day.

Adam deserved a father who didn't just show up on his birthdays, he deserved a father who was there the whole time. He deserved a father who taught him to play baseball, who held him on his shoulders. Adam deserved to know his brothers, to have someone to stay with him at night when his mom left. He needed a mother to put him to bed and to cook his meals for him.

Dean and Sam deserved a home, someplace they could call their own. John couldn't remember what it was like to stay in one place for more than two weeks never the less what it felt like to have a home, to have a job to have a wife. Dean hasn't had a home since he was fours-year-old he hasn't been held or cradled right since Mary's death and Sam was too young to remember a maternal love. Dean was kid and taking care of his younger brother John knew that wasn't fair for Dean. They deserved a mother, they didn't deserve half a father who left them in motel rooms alone since they were young.

Sam didn't deserve for John to kick him out, he was just going to school. Dean should be in college not in some god forsaken motel somewhere. John gulped his fifth beer before placing the beer on the table and falling asleep.

"Dad," says Adam shaking his arm.

Adam kept shaking his arm trying to wake him.

"Dad?" asks Adam.

"Since when have you called me Dad?" asks John.

Adam had taken to calling him John or father or sir since he was fourteen. Adam gives him an odd look.

"Uh I'm going to school," says Adam.

John nods wondering why in the world Adam had woken him to tell that. Now he regretted drinking feeling a hangover already in the mist of happening. He stood stretching his arms and his eyes focused on a picture on the table. Picking it up it he had to blink to make sure he wasn't seeing things. He even pinched himself. Three boys were in the picture the eldest about fifteen, the next about eleven and the youngest four giving a big smile. They were dressed in identical red sweaters. The face of the fifteen-year-old was Dean but his eyes were so bright and so happy he didn't see that light in Dean's eyes, the eleven-year-old was smiling but no teeth where showing a phase John could remember Sam going through at this age.

"What the hell?" asks John.

He had made sure Adam and Kate had never knew about Sam and Dean and vice versa how were the boys in a picture? And why were they wearing red sweaters? Turning back to the t.v. the video was still on the screen paused as John had left it the night before he pressed play.

The date on the bottom read December 25th,1994. Kate was dressed in a bathrobe.

"Christmas 2004," he heard himself say in the camera, "come on boys come downstairs!"

Adam came down first a grin on his face.

"Did Santa come?" he asks.

"Why don't you go and see for yourself?" asks John from behind the camera again.

John pauses the tape what was this? He didn't even know Adam in 1994, how is this even possible?

A/N: Reviews?


	2. Chapter 2

"_**John?" comes Kate's voice from the staircase.**_

_**She is dressed in her silk pajamas, her long hair pulled back into a bun her eyes half-closed. He doesn't answer he's starring at all the pictures. The earliest picture he found was of his and Kate's wedding turning the picture over he found the date. July 15th**__**,1987. **_**He found pictures of Dean and Sam in the wedding as the ring bearers, meaning that Mary must have been alive and must have died? This can't be real, he would have gone on the road after Mary died and three years it took him to get remarried? She was still taken from him? And he moved on?**

"**Did Adam go to school yet? He had to go in early," says Kate and she takes a step closer to him, "honey are you all right?"**

"**I'm sorry what did you say?" asks John.**

**Kate looked younger, the usual stress lines on her face were gone instead of looking ten years older she looked her own age which was only forty-two.**

"**I asked if Adam went to school," says Kate, "are you feeling all right?"**

"**What happened to Mary?" demands John. **

**Kate stares at him for a moment a little bewildered by the question. **

"**She died of a heart attack in her sleep?" says Kate.**

"**A heart attack?" asks John, "how she was so young-**

"**You said her father and mother died of a heart attack and that it ran in her family," says Kate.**

"**There wasn't a fire in Sammy's nursery?" asks John.**

"**No never," says Kate. **

"**And we're married?" asks John.**

"**What the hell kind of question is that? We've been married for eighteen years," says Kate folding her arms across her chest and raising an eyebrowl**

"**I'm sorry-**

"**Are you sure you're all right?" asks Kate.**

"**I think so," says John running his fingers through his hair.**

_**Mary was dead still died in her sleep**_**? Did that really bet the alternative burning to death on the ceiling of Sam's nursery. How could he move on after her? The mother of his children? He knew deep down Mary wouldn't want him to be lonely **

"**And I've always lived-**

"**In Lawrence Kansas?" asks Kate.**

"**And I met you?" asks John.**

"**I brought my car to your shop one day and fall in love with your adorable boys," says Kate, "and then we moved to Windom to start a new life with your boys,"**

**The boys! How could he forget about his boys?**

"**Where are Sam and Dean?" asks John.**

"**Sam's at **_**school**_**?" asks Kate, "and Dean's working presumably or at his girlfriend's….did you drink too much last night?"**

**She was eyeing the empty bottle on the table and shaking her head.**

"**You know what alcohol does to your head," says Kate taking the bottle and walking into the kitchen, "you want Advil for you hangover?"**

"**Uh no thanks," says John walking around and starring at the happy pictures of his sons playing baseball, soccer, football, hockey, playing in leaves and their school pictures just like any other boys. **

"**Crap!" he heard Kate say, "I forget we told Dean we'd have breakfast out with him and his girlfriend-**

**John perked up on the word Dean. He wanted to see this version of Dean, he wanted to see the Dean who grew up in a home with a mother well stepmother.**

"**I'll call him-**

**The doorbell rang and Dean stood at the door with an attractive brunette standing next to him. John couldn't get over how different his son looked the light in his eyes.**

"**Dad I'm I early?" he asks starring at his watch.**

"**No sweetie you're not early….just your dad and I are running a bit late," says Kate, "can we you give us a few minutes….come on in,"**

**John stared at Dean, this Dean looked a lot younger than the Dean he remembered, a lot happier. His girlfriend was pretty her head only reaching up to Dean's shoulder she gave John a happy smile her hand in Dean's. She couldn't be older than Dean. **

"**Dad you all right?" asks Dean.**

"**Excuse your father he's had a really late night….come on John let's not be any more late than we already are," says Kate taking his arm.**

**John stared at the master bedroom, his mind flashed back to the one in Lawrence, Kansas he could remember nights starring Mary sleep because she was beautiful awake and asleep. John and Kate got dressed and ran down the steps. **

"**The Impala," says John still glad Dean had kept it.**

**He flashed back to the night he, Sam and Dean sat on the Impala as their house burnt. He and Kate climbed into the back. Memories of Dean and Sam sleeping in the backseat and playing guessing games flooded his mind. He guessed in this world that they had never spent that much time in the backseat. **

"**Cousin Oliver's good for everyone?" asks Dean.**

**John had eaten there once or twice with Kate and Adam it was pretty good he nodded his approval. After breakfast he'd try and figure out what the hell was going on, he wanted to enjoy a happy meal with his family. **

"**Say where's Sammy?" asks John.**

"**School," says Kate, "honey are you sure you're all right?"**

"**He's at Stanford right?" asks John.**

**Kate nods while exchanging a worried glance at Dean. **

"**He should be flying back with Jessica for spring break they're taking us to dinner said they got a surprise for us," says Kate.**

"**I think Sammy's popped the question," says Dean.**

"**Speaking of popping the question when are you?" asks Kate.**

**Dean chuckles starring at his girlfriend.**

"**We're happy as we are Kate," says Dean.**

"**I'm gonna be mighty sad if Sam's the only one giving me grandkids," says Kate shaking her head.**

**John had only seen Jessica from a distance he had known Sam was thinking about proposing having followed him into town once. If Jessica made Sam happy she was fine in John's book. He decided then after dinner after seeing both boys he'd find out what the hell was going on. If it was a dream he wasn't sure if he wanted to wake up. He got to see his sons live a full life full of smiles and laughter and safety, he got to see Adam as a child, held him as a baby and he had known his brothers. The one thing this life was missing was Mary, she had gotten the short end his heart ached to see her one last time. Why didn't she get to live her whole life? Why she still die at 29 years old? Why'd he still have to go through that pain? **

**A/N: Reviews=) **


	3. Chapter 3

_They had arrived at Cousin Oliver's about five minutes later. They ordered their usual meals which John's apparently was eggs, with toast and bacon on the side._

"_So how long have you and-_

"_Carmen," supplied Carmen. _

"_About a year and half," replied Dean._

_John nearly choked on his piece of egg year and half_! Dean?

"Dad you all right?" asks Dean.

"Never thought you'd date a girl for more than a week," states John, "or a night,"

"John!" says Kate, "I'm sorry Carmen John's been really out of it….maybe a boy's day out will fix that when Sam gets in,"

"What's that?" asks John.

"How can you forget about Boys' day out?" asks Dean, "I mean we had one almost every Saturday when we were growing up….do you still have them with Adam?"

"Adam's too cool to hang out with his Dad," says Kate rolling her eyes, "I'm sure he'd go if both his big brothers went,"

"I'm sure he would and maybe you and Carmen could go out for a day at the Spa or something?" asks Dean.

"That sounds great," says Kate.

Carmen nods and she and Dean kiss.

"Can we take Adam out at lunch?" asks Dean, "I've been dying to see him,"

"I dunno," says Kate starring at John, "would you care if we let Adam skip out on his afternoon classes?"

"If he's spending it with his family I don't see why not," says John.

"I'll text him," says Kate.

"You text now Kate?" asks Dean.

"Oh come on I'm up to date!" says Kate as she slowly texted Adam _boys day out you can stay after lunch and skip clagesses _

"What time is Sammy coming?" asks Dean.

"Uh around 4ish," says Kate, "he said he would call once he landed in the airport,"

John nods he'd get to spend the day with his boys, he'd get to spend the night with his family. They left the diner around eleven.

"What time is Adam's lunch?" asks John.

"11:40 you can pick him up," says Kate.

Dean dropped Kate and Carmen off at the spy. John found pictures of Mary in Dean's glove draw.

"You kept the pictures of your mother?" asks John.

"Always have," says Dean, "I can't ever forget her no matter how wonderful Kate was to me she's not my mother….she's Adam's mother,"

John knew he spoke the truth no one could ever replace Mary in their hearts. Mary was his wife and she was his mother.

"Adam!" calls out John seeing the teenager walking out of the school.

"Hey dad!" he smiled , "hey Dean!"

"Hey kiddo," says Dean, "how's it going?"

"Great I missed you," says Adam as he sat in the back throwing his books on the seat.

"Missed you too kiddo," says Dean, "how's school?"

"Boring as hell," replied Adam.

John can tell by their few actions they were close despite the age gap. He wondered how Sam and Adam would act together and if Sam and Dean acted. Would they still be inseparably? Or had they bond come from spending nights in a motel room?

**A/N: leave me a review!=)**


	4. Chapter 4

"Whatta wanna play?" asks Adam as they pull up to the house.

"Maybe a game of football but we'd need Sam to make it even," says Dean.

"Right when he's getting here?" asks Adam.

"Four," replied John.

Adam groans he treasured moments spent with his family, especially his brothers who were barely home. Dean had gone to a local college and had opened his own garage and then Sam left for California four years ago when Adam was 11. The house got real quiet after that, Adam had to admit he missed the prank wars though normally he was first victim he still had memories of walking around with pink hair courtesy of Dean. His mom had been real pissed but Adam a few months later joined in the laughing.

"What do you want to do dad?" asks Adam.

All the things he wanted to do? He wanted to see his boys laugh a natural life have the innocence of childhood, he wants to rake leaves and watch them fall into them. He wanted to hold them in his arms, but he knew they were too big now.

"Uh football sounds good for me we can have a catch," says John.

"Sounds good," says Dean.

Adam ran into the house and running up the steps and grabbing the football from his room he handed to his father. John couldn't remember the last time he held a football in his hands and it felt so familiar the touch, it reminded him of trying to place Dean's small hands on the ball.

"Pass!" yells out Adam snapping him back to the present.

John chucked the ball at his son who catches it before Dean tackles him to the ground, both laughing. The ball fumbled on the ground and Dean grabbed it and ran, Adam on his heels grabbing at his shirt. John could just stand there forever and watch his sons just laugh.

"Dad!" yells out Adam who had managed to get the ball from his brother.

They played catch until 1 where they eat lunch and then at 2, Sam called he managed to get an earlier flight and he'd be there in about an hour. John couldn't wait to see all 3 of his sons together.

"Dad…," asks Adam waving his hands in front of his Dad, "are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah just thinking about how happy our lives are," says John, "sure beats the alternative,"

"What?" asks Dean.

"Never mind," says John, "how's school Adam?"

"It's good," says Adam.

"Oh puh-lease Adam kicks ass at school just like Sammy," says Dean as Adam's pale cheeks turned red, "what was your GPA last quarter?"

"I can't believe you checked the school website," says Adam.

"Come on I always wanna make sure you do well you and Sammy….so what was it a 4.0-

"A 3.9," says Adam.

"Wow Adam that's great," says John.

John had always known Adam had done well in school, when he used to visit Adam's report cards would be on the fridge but he never knew Adam had done that well or Sammy well.

"I can't wait to see Sam," says Adam.

"Me neither kiddo," says John.

**A/N: Sammy will be in the next chapter promise! And no it's not a Djin!**


	5. Chapter 5

Before they knew it, Dean's phone rang Sam and Jessica had landed in Lawrence just five minutes ago. Was John ready to face his middle child? How was their relastionship? He didn't have long to ponder this before the Impala pulled into the airport.

"What gate did he say he was at?" asks Adam.

"G," says Dean.

The three quickly run into the airport eager to greet Sam and Jess. Adam was the first to get to Sam wrapping his arms around his brother.

"Hey there kiddo," says Sam hugging right back.

He and Dean gave a hand shake before giving a slight hug. Jess hugged Adam and then Dean. Sam held out his hand for John, but John grabbed his son and hugged him tightly.

"I missed you too," says Sam.

"Mr. Winchester," says Jessica before she is hugged by John.

John had only seen Jess a few times around Stanford with his son, but if she made Sam happy she was fine by John.

"Can't breath," murmurs Jess.

"Sorry," says John.

"Where's Kate?" asks Sam surprised normally his stepmom would pick him up to.

"Kate and Carmen went for a girls day out," says Dean, "which means we're having our own boys day out…..so Jess we'll drop you off at the spa and then Sammy will get his ass kicked by me and Adam –

"Oh you wish," says Sam as he playfully punched Dean.

John smiles at his sons, they seemed close they all seemed close.

"How's _Stephanie_?" Sam teased Adam.

Adam's cheeks went red.

"How do you know?" asks Adam who looks nervously at his father and brother.

Was Adam keeping his girlfriend a secret? By his antics it seemed he was. John found that cute, he could remember Sam hiding his girlfriend.

"Facebook," says Sam.

"Adam John Milligan you have a girlfriend and you didn't tell your favorite big brother?" asks Dean faking a hurt face.

"Oh puh-lease," says Sam, "so did you kiss her?"

"Did you get to third base?" asks Dean.

"DEAN!" warns John his fifteen-year-old better not have gotten to third base.

"What's third base?" asks Adam.

"I uhh tell you later," says Dean, "not in front of the Pops,"

John and Dean sat in front while Adam, Sam and Jess sat squished in the back.

"So Dean told me 3.9 Adam?" asks Sam, "that's pretty good maybe you'll join me at Stanford-

"Please we don't need another lawyer in our family Sammy," says Dean, "you're enough,"

"Hey if he wants to be-

"He wants to be a doctor," says John remembering Kate telling him that Adam wanted to be a doctor.

"A mechanic, a lawyer and a doctor oh my," says Jess.

That got the boys to give a laugh, John couldn't be happier. But out of the corner of his eye Mary stood on the corner.

"Dad you all right?" asks Dean.

"Yeah I just thought….I just thought never mind," says John.

Had he really seen Mary? Or was it just his mind playing tricks with his aching for her, aching for her to see her happy children? Or was she really there?


	6. Chapter 6

"All right Sam the suspense is killing me," says Dean at dinner a few hours later, "what is the big surprise,"

"I dunno I was gonna wait for dinner," says Sam.

"Sammy please!" begs Adam, "I'm gonna die from he suspense,"

Everyone laughs when Adam places a hand on his forehead and falls over nearly out of his chair. He remembered the other Kate telling him that Adam was the class clown…that didn't change in this world.

"Adam careful you almost hit your head!" says Kate.

"Relax Mom!" says Adam.

"Sam please do tell us," adds Kate.

Sam turns to Jess with a smile.

"You wanna tell them?" asks Sam.

"They're your family," says Jess.

"About to be yours," says Sam a he takes her hand and shows the engagement ring that lay on it.

The family erupted into happy cheers. John's eyes followed to Mary standing in the hall. This time there was a blood stain on her nightgown.

"What are you doing here?" asks John walking up to her.

She places her finger to her mouth before disappearing.

"John," says Kate, "are you all right honey?"

"No I'm not," says John, "uhh right I'm tired can we just go home?"

Kate gave him a concerned look before taking his arm, Dean said he'd cover the check.

"Does Adam wanna stay over with me and Carmen?" asks Dena.

"Maybe that's for the better I'm sorry Jess and Sam-

"No worries Mrs. Winchester it's not a huge deal," reassures Jess hugging Kate, "we'll see you tomorrow,"

Sam kissed her cheek before Kate lead John outside. She truly had been worried about him.

"What the hell is going on?" Kate didn't wait till they were home, "you don't remember that we're married….you ask weird questions about Mary…..are you having that nightmare again?"

"What nightmare?" asks John.

"You always swore you saw your wife standing in this nightdress with a blood stain on it," says Kate.

"How long ago?" asks John.

"When we first meet and then they just stopped," says Kate.

Maybe this life wasn't as perfect as it seemed? What other secrets where underneath the surface?

"I think you need help," says Kate going for the phone.

He clasp his hand over hers.

"Please Kate don't look I just need to figure this out on my own," says John.

John fell asleep once again in his chair except he dreamt about that night.

_ "Hey Dean,"_

_ "Daddy!"_

_ "Whatta think? You think Sammy's ready to toss around a football?" _

_ "No daddy,"_

_ "No,"_

_ "Got him?" _

_ And then the scream….._

"Dad!" calls out Adam, "DAD!"

"Weren't you at Dean's?" asks John rubbing his eyes.

Adam half-grinned before placing down his backpack.

"I lied to Dean that I had homework he took me home…are you all right?" asks Adam.

"I don't know," admits John, "Adam….say you wanna go on a trip?" asks John.

"If it saves me from a Bio test sure," says Adam.

He followed his father out into the small pickup truck and John knew they were going to Lawrence he needed answers.


	7. Chapter 7

"So where are we going?" asks Adam closing the door.

"Lawrence," John replied with his hands gripped tightly on the steering wheel.

Adam gives him an odd look, John had seen that same look after Mary's death when he told everyone how Mary had died the you're crazy look.

"Dad…..-

"Don't," says John.

Adam took the hint and went back to starring out the window.

"Go to sleep Adam," says John.

"Nah what if you need me to drive?" asks Adam a sly smile forming at his lips.

"You're fifteen," reminds John.

Adam pouts as he slumps down in his seat.

"Come on Dad the road's like empty," says Adam, "scratch that _is _empty,"

"You could hit into something," states John.

"Yeah the lonely cow," Adam replied.

John gave Adam a look and the teenager rolled his eyes and folded his arms.

"I bet you would have let _Dean_ drive," says Adam underneath his breath.

Was Adam jealous of his brother? It was the same tone Sam use to use when he said that _"you only like him better because he is a better hunter,"_. And for a second John can see a flash of the old Adam, the angry teenager.

"Adam…what did you mean by that?" asks John.

"Never mind it's not worth it," Adam mutters before completely turning his shoulder.

"No please just tell me," says John.

"Dean's your favorite…..even Sam agrees you gave him the Impala, your old jacket…Dean always got shotgun no matter how old Sam was or even if he called it…..it's because he reminds you of your wife," says Adam bitterly.

Was he truly like this? Or was his son playing the sibling rivalry game, John stared at the hurt in his son's eyes.

"Adam-

"Don't talk to me," says Adam, "I'm going to sleep,"

John watched as his son leaned his head against the cold window and soon he heard the steady breaths. So in this life he had seen Mary everywhere, he played favorites with his sons…what else was wrong with this life? His ponderings were broken by the shrill sound of his phone ringing. Rumbling through his bag for his phone, he saw it was Kate's cell phone.

"Where the hell are you?" she demands.

"Kate-

"I went to wake _my _son for school and found his bed empty…..I found the side of my bed empty…..where the hell are you? Do you realize he has school? Do you realize the thoughts going through my head when my son and my husband were gone?" demands Kate.

"We left you a note-

"A god damn note John….in Adam's handwriting only saying Mom dad and I went on road trip bye…I was ready to call the police I had your sons out searching for the better of two hours-

"Kate I'm sorry-

"You're sorry? John this is over the line….the drinking every night…..the working overtime…now taking off in the middle of the night with our son….we have to stop this or stop us this isn't working John if you think alright to run off in the middle of the night I thought you were happy?"

He could hear the sad in her voice and knew either Kate was in tears or close to it.

_ "John…..we have two boys we have to think about," Mary had said evident tears by the breaking of her voice._

_ "The boys come first," _

_ "They always will…are you coming home?"_

"John are you even listening?" Kate yelled.

"Kate-

"Tell me where my child is," sas Kate.

"We're near Kansas," says John.

"I'm sending Dean and Sam to get you…..and then we'll see if we can work this out…..I really hope we do," says Kate and he hears the dial tone.

John sighs before throwing the phone mindlessly.

"Ow," Adam cried.

"Oh so you were awake?" asks John bitterly.

"Sorry you're just loud…..you and mom have always been loud when you fight," and he's reverted back to the four-year-old in the tapes.

"Do we fight a lot?" John asks not looking at his son.

"Lately," Adam admitted and he took a deep breath before just barely above a whisper, "are you gonna get a dirvorce?"

"I don't know," says John, "come on we're here,"

**A/N: Review please**

**For all those waiting for "Future Sons" I am in the midst of writing a chapter my other laptop broke and I just got it back and I'm trying to find the file*cross my fingers* I find it otherwise I'll rewrite it. **


	8. Chapter 8

They were parked in front of a white house, John walked in front Adam trailing behind.

"Whose house is this?" asks Adam.

"Missouri," says John.

Adam stared at him before walking into the house.

"Well John, Adam come on into the back," she says.

"How do you know our names?" demands Adam.

"Boy I'm psychic," says Missouri, "now come on we don't have much time do we? I mean before Kate and the boys come,"

"Missouri you have to believe me…..I don't know where I am," says John, "my wife she died twenty-three years ago in a house fire not of a heart attack,"

"I know," says Missouri, "boy do not put your feet on my coffee table!"

"I didn't-

"You were thinking it Adam John Milligan," says Missouri and she turns to John, "I have read the papers about your wife's death about her heart attack but you're telling me the truth,"

"Yes! Yes I am," says John, "I'm not a mechanic I was once maybe…I'm a hunter…..,"

"You know about this world?" asks Missouri.

"You're the one who told me something evil visited my family!" yells out John.

"Calm down John I am not doubting you!" says Missouri, "how can there be two realities? Unless…maybe you've been given a second chance?"

"I don't believe in second chances," says John as he sees his wife in the corner, "Mary?"

"Dad where are you going?" asks Adam.

"Mary! Wait!" yells out John grabbing her arm to found her corporeal.

He stared in her blue eyes, the eyes that were so glassy so dead the last time he ever stared into them. Her hair was as still as light as he remembered and her skin her porcelain skin.

"John why do this to yourself?" she asks, "why question this?"

"Question what?" asks John, "what are you talking about?"

"Dad who are you talking too?" asks Adam worried.

"Adam go back to Missouri," says John, "go!"

Mary stares at him for a minute and he couldn't stop starring at his wife, this moment he wanted one last time to say his good bye how much he loved her no matter if they fought.

"This isn't real," says John.

"This is as real as the world with my death being the beginning of your hunting…..and the destruction of the world and our sons," says Mary, "believe it or not you've been given a second chance,"

"By _who_?" asks John.

"I can't say," says Mary, "I'm here to make sure you live this life…..the life you always wanted,"

"I want you back!" says John, "how is this life perfect?"

"Our sons live the life they deserve the life I wanted for them," says Mary, "like you always said our boys come first,"

"What do you mean the life you want for them?" asks John.

"It doesn't matter," says Mary, "please don't question this…..you don't want to go back to the way things were? With the boys? Don't you want Sam to love you? For you to see Adam grow up?"

"But I don't remember that life… I remember this life," says John.

Mary sighs but doesn't answer him as she stands and pries free of his grip.

"John…don't ask too much? Take this life and be happy," says Mary.

"I'm not happy…why can't you be in this life?" asks John.

"Because John things don't always work out the way we want too and beside that fact the mother job was already taken by a living breathing person," says Mary, "and you love Kate-

"I love you," says John.

"John please if I had lived for another four months I would have been I your ex-wife," says Mary almost coldly.

"Doesn't mean I didn't love you Mary you're the mother of my sons," says John.

"Isn't a divorce mean falling out of love? And Kate is the mother of your son too," says Mary.

"But I did hunting for you," says John.

"You did hunting to chase after a dream," says Mary, "somehow you justified raising our sons to be warriors by the obsession to find my killer…you destroyed your life my sons life chasing a dream…..John I'm not coming back no matter how many monsters you kill or how many lives you destroy….don't screw this up okay?"

**A/N: Reviews? **


	9. Chapter 9

"Dad you're scaring me," says Adam, "you need help,"

John ignores him but stares at Missouri for the answer.

"Your wife knows something I don't," says Missouri, "but we will find out,"

John's cell phone began to ring it read Sam before John threw it at Adam.

"What the?" asks Adam as he didn't expect the phone to be thrown at him and it hits him before it falls, "where are you going?"

"Out!" yells out John.

"To get drunk?" Adam roared back.

"Just answer the damn phone Adam," says John slamming the door.

**SPNSPN**

"John Winchester?" he heard Mike Gunther's voice say.

Just who he wanted to see the last time he had seen Mike he was threatening to call child services on him and then that's when he left Lawrence the last time.

"Damn it's been almost twenty-three years what are you doing here?" he asks and he orders a beer for John.

"Just visiting the old place," says John.

"How's Kate?" asks Mike.

"Good," says John hoping that he'd get the hint and leave.

"And how old's Dean now?" he asks.

"Uh 26," replied John and before he could ask, "Sam's 22 and my youngest is fifteen,"

"Youngest you got another?" he asks.

"Yeah Adam," says John, "you know I got to go,"

John placed ten bucks on the table before walking out. He turned to stare at the beer this was where he went the night after the fire instead of being with his kids he was here drinking.

He climbed into the car and before he made it two blocks Sam and Jess spotted him in Sam's car.

"Dad!" he hear Sam yell as Jessica yelled "Mr. Winchester!"

John sighed before pulling over and Sam pulled up behind him.

"Damn it dad you nearly gave us a hear attack and poor Kate fainted," says Sam, "what the hell were you thinking? Leaving in the middle of the night and taking your 15-year-old son?"

This reminded him of the old Sam the livid words from his mouth his angry expressions.

"Sam that's enough," says Jess holding his arm, "we're glad we found you Mr. Winchester,"

"Dad where's Adam?" asks Sam suddenly.

"He's with a friend of mine," says John.

"You just dumped him?" asks Sam appalled and taking his phone out and calling Dean.

**SPNSPN**

Within an hour John was sitting on a chair while his family sat on the bed. Kate had a kept a firm glance at him at all times.

"What the hell is going on?" she asks.

"Look I can't explain," says John, "but I have to figure this out,"

"Why?" asks Adam, "why do _you_ need to figure this out?"

John stares at him for a moment was Adam like Mary? Had he known too?

"Yes honey," says Kate standing, "We can forget this go back home…..pretend it never happened-

"I'm tired of pretending this is my life!" roared John, "you're _not _my wife….I don't live in Windom…I'm not a mechanic I'm a hunter! My wife didn't die because of some hear attack she died in a fire in Sam's nursery!"

"Dad why'd you go looking?" asks Dean, "this life ain't perfect but it's better than what ours used to be,"

"You know?" asks John.

"Why'd you keep looking?" asks Sam, "please just turn around before it's too late,"

"This is the life you always wanted to see all 3 of your sons live in a house, with a loving mother and a father who was around right?" asks Kate, "the one who took them to play baseball? Not one who handed them guns?"

"This life….it's not real," says John.

"You've been given a second chance Mr. Winchester," says Jess, "_I_'ve been given a second chance….I love your son Mr. Winchester and Sam and I always wanted children….don't you want grandchildren?"

"Of course-

"Then don't take it away from yourself…..or from Sam and me," says Jess.

"Don't you like seeing me graduate?" asks Dean, "go to college like Sammy?"

"Dean of course I want this for you…but this isn't my life," says John, "how do I get back to my life?"

**A/N: Reviews are loved.**


	10. Chapter 10

Dean stared back at his father and then at his family before answering.

"Have you ever heard of Loki?" he asks quietly his family shoot him angry glances.

"Dean-

"Sammy he's tried this life…..he doesn't like it," says Dean simply, "Dad have you ever heard of a Loki? Otherwise known as the Trickster?"

"Uhhh he creates alternative universes known to have a sweet tooth?" asks John.

Dean nods.

"We're not sure how to summon it," he adds, "but I bet Bobby would,"

"If he doesn't kill me first," states John.

"Well he won't," says Kate, "you never meet him in this life…..you never went hunting,"

She stands and crosses the distance and kissed his forehead.

"Is this really what you want?" asks Kate.

"No," says John, "but this isn't who I am…..,"

"I've always wanted to tell you that I regret not telling you earlier about your son…whenever you're over you always look at his baby pictures," says Kate.

"I wish you had," says John as he looks at Adam who had slumped in his seat next to Sam.

"I don't want you to do this Dad," says Adam, "I liked knowing you….and knowing my big brothers,"

"I know you did," says John, "and I liked knowing you as a baby…..this isn't fair Adam but-

"Life's not fair I know," says Adam.

John's eyes followed to Jess, the girl of his son's dreams the one who burned away from Sam. Sam was holding onto, he didn't want to let go.

"I'm so sorry Sammy," he says before taking a quick glance at Jess who had tears in her eyes before he followed Dean out of the door.

**SPNSPN**

"Why are you so willing to help me?" asks John suddenly.

"I'm still me," says Dean, "just different…the me that was the kid who carried his brother from our burning house the one who grow up on the road is still here,"

John stares at his son, the one he made grow up too fast.

"Same with Sammy," says Dean, "the one who ran away to Stanford and same with Adam the one who grew up alone…Dad he'd let you have this life…..-

"If he wanted me to have this life why did he make me remember my old one?" asks John.

John turns and Dean is gone.

"Dean?" he calls out and then he is standing in a field alone.

A man appears in the field, he's shorter than John with brown hair.

"So you've figured it out?" he asks.

"Why the hell is _my _son?" yells out John.

"Don't worry he's safe," he says walking towards John, "isn't this the life you've always wanted?"

"No I want my wife back," says John, "I want my old house in Lawrence back but I know you're not gonna give it to me,"

"You're right I'm not," he says, "because that life was never gonna to be…it was your destiny your wife was never gonna live past twenty-nine,"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" asks John.

"Exactly what it sounds like…..this life was pre-destined for you since your birth," says Gabriel, "do you know the story your mother used to tell you?"

"The one about the angel?" asks John.

"You ever wonder why your mother who the doctors told for years that she couldn't get pregnant suddenly was able to give birth to four boys in her late forties no less?"

"Luck-

"You don't believe in luck," points out Gabriel, "it was because destiny stepped in to make sure you were born so your boys could be born,"

"Why do we need to be born?" demands John.

"That's something I can't tell you," he says, "but your boys will find out in time…..

"Tell me dammit- he reached for Gabriel but he disappeared and reappeared behind him.

"Not so fast big boy," says Gabriel.

"Why are you doing this?" asks John.

"I like games," says Gabriel, "hence the trickster title…-

He snapped.

**SPNSPN**

"John wake up," says Kate shaking him.

He jerked awake it the sun was shinning in the room. Kate was dressed in her nurse outfit the one she had fallen asleep in the night before. Her stress lines were visible and she shook her head as she cleaned up the beer.

"John this can't be a habit….it's not a good example for Adam," she says as she hurriedly cleans up the cans.

John grabs for the picture, he found just a four-year-old Adam smiling back at him dressed in a red sweater. And he jumps for his cell phone and dialed Dean.

"Hello?" came his son's tired voice.

"Are you still hunting?" asks John.

"Yes sir," replied Dean, "are you meeting me still?"

"Right, crap I'll meet you in uh give me 5 hours," says John.

Kate sighs shaking her head again wondering why he even came sometimes.

"Going back to work?" she asks raising an eyebrow and to her surprise John wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm so sorry," says John, "this isn't fair to you or to Adam…..but I promise you…..once I get this job done I'll make sure you and Adam get the life you deserve,"

Kate stares at him her eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

"I promise you things will get better," says John grabbing his bag and underneath his breath added, "for all of us,"

Kate nods her head slowly.

"Tell Adam that I love him okay?" says John, "make sure he knows that I love him,"

"All right…..are you dying or something?" asks Kate, "I mean you're never this touchy feeling kind of guy not even when we meet,"

"I'm not dying…at least hopefully not-

"What?" asks Kate alarmed.

"Never mind, but promise me you'll tell Adam-

"That you love him I got it," says Kate as John goes for the door, "and John please make sure that you do come back to us in _one _piece…..I'm sure your son prefers you that way as much I do,"

"Good bye Kate," says John.

"Good bye John," replied Kate.

Their relationship since after Adam's conception had been strictly professional no hugging or crying or holding each other this was how Kate was how he was. She was simply the mother of his child, not his wife and not the woman who raised Sam or Dean.

And thinking in the car John realized a part of him loved Kate, loved that she didn't want to be held, didn't date other guys her life was on her son and her job to keep his son happy and healthy.

As much as he wanted to pretend that Kate was Mary they were two completely different people. He rubbed his wedding band, Mary was the woman he first loved, the woman who said yes all those years ago when he proposed to her in the this very car, the woman who he watched grow bigger and bigger while carrying their sons and she was the woman he lost in flames.

Kate was the woman he gained afterwards, the one who didn't look at him as if he was crazy that day in the hospital when he turned up looking like he'd lost a fight with a cheese grater. The one who sat by his bed, saying she felt bad that he didn't have family waiting for him, that he didn't have a wife there. The one who had taken him out to eat the night after he was discharged and the woman who carried his third and last son.

Dean and Sam was his and Mary's sons, the ones who were born in Lawrence, once believe it or not had a home. Dean was the four-year-old who carried his infant brother from their burning home that night, became a man that night watching out for his brother and for John. And Sam the son who never knew a maternal touch, was thrown into this life since before he could walk or talk. The one who ran away from John to go to Stanford who watched Jessica burn on the ceiling this was his life.

Adam was the son who didn't even know about the existence of the supernatural world, but ended up in a role very similar to Dean's minis the little brother. Adam knew how to fend for himself, knew how to cook, how to bandage burns and cuts, like Dean and Sam he grew up too fast but John knew now there was nothing he could do about it.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed the ending….**


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